The Art of the Non-Decision

I have a very difficult time making decisions. What if the choice I make is wrong? What if I end up regretting it FOREVER?

Yes, it will change everything.

No, I am not exaggerating. I frequently fret about things for an extremely long time.

For example: About 12 years ago, my aunt asked me to babysit her kids for a week. Since I didn't have a job at that point, it wasn't a problem. She paid me well for it. When her ex-husband came up pick up the kids at the end of the week, he gave me more money. I figured the two of them had talked about it and decided that, since I was poor and jobless, they would pay me a bit extra for watching two kids for five whole days. Alas, I was incorrect. I got a phone call from my mother a few days later telling me how disappointed my aunt was that I took the second offering of money. As a result, I had to give the money back. (I was lucky enough to have landed a job by this point.) To this day, I worry that my aunt still thinks I'm a bad person for taking the offered money.

And yes, I do know how ridiculous that sounds. I'm sure that, twelve years later, she has forgotten all about it. But that doesn't matter to my messed up brain. Every time I see her, I wait for the venomous comments to arise.

You suck.

Anyway, this is just an example of the reasoning behind why I can't make a decision properly. Right now, I want to buy a new scanner. Our current one is so old, it doesn't even work with our computer drivers any more. So a new one is necessary. However, I also need more fitness clothes since I will be teaching five dance-fitness classes each week beginning in April. I have a $50 gift certificate that my in-laws gave me for Christmas that I haven't used because I can't decide which would be better to purchase.

This is me every single day.

Maybe I should just hire someone to make decisions for me. Though that would require making a decision on who will make my decisions.....it is an endless loop of angst.