And so the nerves begin

I am not a "people person." I do not get excited at the prospect of spending an entire day with a room full of complete strangers. However, I know there are things I need to do to move forward in the world that require me to spend an entire day with a room full of complete strangers.

On Sunday, I will be spending the day in York, PA getting licensed in Zumba Gold.

Sadly, this does not involve actual gold.

Here is the description of the class stolen from the Zumba website:

Zumba Gold targets the largest growing segment of the population: baby boomers. It takes the Zumba formula and modifies the moves and pacing to suit the needs of the active older participant, as well as those just starting their journey to a fit and healthy lifestyle. What stays the same are all the elements the Zumba Fitness-Party is known for: the zesty Latin music, like salsa, merengue, cumbia and reggaeton; the exhilarating, easy-to-follow moves; and the invigorating, party-like atmosphere. Active older adults want camaraderie, excitement and fitness as a regular part of their weekly schedule. Zumba Gold is the perfect fit. It’s a dance-fitness class that feels friendly, and most of all, fun.

So I won't even be spending the day doing anything fun. It will be filled with lectures and learning how to make the moves I already know into something that older people can do successfully. Luckily, I have already completed three Zumba trainings (Zumba basic, Zumba basic 2, and Zumbatomic) so I know what to expect. Sort of. And this makes me nervous.

Not the actual information part. I know I can do that. It's the people part. The Education Specialist will break us down into smaller groups so we can discuss things and be like a mini think tank. Each group gets a subject like "What would be good rewards for kids?" or "Where could you market your class?" Then we are expected to make a list and present it to the rest of the class.

I hate that part. I always try to hide so my group won't pick me for the 'speaker.' It's almost like being back in school again.

When I go to social events, I usually have my husband around to handle the small talk. I am very bad at small talk. When I go to these trainings, I usually just sit along the back wall during lecture time and quietly take notes. I don't want or need to be the center of attention. I just want to obtain the necessary information (and license) so I can put it to good use.

But you teach classes? Isn't that dealing with people?

That is a completely different animal. When I am in charge of something, it's like I'm a different person. I have to be personable because I am being paid. It's part of the instructor package. It's only when I'm stuck in a group of strangers who are (usually) more knowledgeable  that I freak out. And it's because I think that they think that anything I have to say is stupid. I don't want to hear "That is so stupid" so I just don't say anything.

That is what I am nervous about. That I will be forced to speak in front of the class and something moronic will pop out of my mouth and everyone will laugh at me.

I don't want people to laugh at me.

But I will be brave. And I will go to class. And I will quietly take notes in the back. And I will participate in the practical part of the class. And I will get my Gold license. But I will not single myself out for anything. I will meld into the background like a chameleon.

Unincluded (it's a lot like Uninvited)

I work in a fairly small office. There is a grand total of 21 employees in this location. (We have a few people that work out-of-state but they aren't relevant to this story.) One of our departments is in a different section of our building leaving 16 people in my section of the building. Of these 16, there is a 'lunch clique' that consists of 6 people. Unfortunately for me, these six people are in offices that surround my office. That means I have to listen to them make their various lunch plans every day. Normally this does not bother me a great deal.

Because this is what they eat almost every day.

Sometimes it does.

See, these people have an unhealthy addiction to Thai food. Specifically the Thai restaurant across the street. However, the Thai restaurant across the street does not have an addiction to them. (Or making money, it seems.) While a majority of their conversations consist of whether or not they are ordering Thai and what they should do if the Thai restaurant randomly decides to not answer their phone that day, today is a different story.

Today they picked Chinese food.

I actually like Chinese food. Thai? Not so much. (Especially when they are all ordering the spiciest food they can get. I don't like spicy. I don't want to mistakenly eat burn-my-mouth-off food.) I used to be on the list of people they would invite into their lunch group. Apparently I said 'no thank you' too many times. (For the record, I have said yes more than I have said no.) I am no longer on the invite list.

Why does this bother me?

Because I am delicious!!!

Well, sometimes I would like to order Chinese food too. But I'm not the type of person that will barge into an office to be all "ME TOO!," assuming that I know what they are ordering before I overhear someone calling in the order. To be honest, Chinese food sounds an awful lot like Thai food until you get to the fried rice or white rice option.

I suppose I should get over myself and learn how to barge into people's office. It just seems so rude. And it's not like I never eat Chinese food. My daughter has finally learned that it is delicious so we order it about once a month. Occasionally, my husband even makes some on his own. Really, this whole thing about me feeling left out. I am the only one in my hallway that is not in the clique. I feel like the geeky science nerd in the middle of the cheerleading squad and I don't even like science!

I just want to belong.